This morning I went to attend a seminar at my son's school about 'What Make a Boy Tick'. It was an interestingly enough presentation. You know the kind, where it's not just a speaker talking, but there's some participation from the audience and multi-media effects that hold the attention. And although there were the various assumptions about boys with which I would agree and didn't agree (in Alex's case) one assumption completely dumbfound me. Namely the generalization that boys thrive (more so than girls) on competition.
Now there are a few things I need to make clear. This theory comes from parenting guru Michael Grose, who states that 'The amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for emotional arousal and innate competitive spirit is about a sixth bigger in boys than girls'. As such it is just one opinion. A very well-informed one, but still just one. Also the presentation was presented at a school, where due to the logistics of running a popular international school in a major metropolis (Bangkok), needs to paint issues with a broad brush. They simply can't afford time and effort to address every exception. And of course in our day and time we seem to need more fast and easy generalizations, because attention is scarce and we need to get our point across. In this case the point was that we need to stand still with the reasoning and motivation of our male offspring (with no doubt a hint of parental managing in mind).
I guess what struck me as offensive was that I personally hate competition and always strive for co-operation instead. But do I really? As I think back at how I grew up and what formed me to be the person I am now, I sure do recall the many hours playing role-playing games (which objective is to work with each other and not against) instead of playing sports. In fact I still love games and hate (watching) sports to this day. When I'm in a meeting I'm very good at noticing personal profiling as opposed to common productivity. When I chit-chat with someone or even talk philosophy my main concern is to reach common ground rather than try to convince someone. I'm even better at losing than winning, because that way we're both happy. But maybe my competition lies on a deeper level. One where it's me versus popular opinion. Me as a man in touch with his feminine side versus the beer drinking game watching macho man. Maybe that's where I prefer to compete.
I hope one day to share this point of view with my son, even if he does like to develop his competitive skills. For now it is such a strong trait in my psychological make-up that it surfaces in my writing. Already I have a group of five friends in my head who will travel the world throughout the Simon & Sally series. And in book 2 hatred and war will turn their ugly heads and be defeated by acceptance and mutual understanding. But even more prominent is the aspect of having two main heroes (Simon and Sally) who need to work together and take the course of four books to finally realize this to get to their full potential. There have been examples aplenty in young adult fiction of this. One only has to look at 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' to realize it takes the combined skills of the Baudelaires to defeat Count Olaf. Or 'The Mysterious Benedict Society', which equally plays very directly with individual skills that work towards a common solution.
However, where these young people from the start accept and even love each other, Simon and Sally will not follow that route at first. They will compete (and quite heavily so) for the acceptance and respect that comes with being labelled a hero, before they come to the realization that they can't make it without each other. And although, now at the age of 39, I have come to respect what individuality and drive can accomplish, I also see that in our global village we can't afford any more to prefer 'me vs. them' over 'we're all in it together'. We have been given free range to pursue personal goals, but when left unchecked they turn into greed, hate, neglect, envy and pride. These are the topics of the series and only together can Simon & Sally with their friends battle these forces within.
We need that spirit now. The spirit of Star Wars' Queen Amidala standing up for a little more co-operation and a little less competition. Was that what she preached? She was written by a man of course, so maybe it will help Sally (and myself) to sign up for the next seminar, which is about 'What Makes a Girl Tick'. Just to be on the safe side.
