That's unexpected. I feel crazy today. I have that every once in a while and it's very liberating. What happens is that I think of all the things I'm supposed to do and then I just...don't do them. On purpose. Mindfully almost. Maybe it is my unconscious desire to be more mindful (because acting contrary to your agenda forces you to be more aware of what it is that you're doing). Maybe I just like variety and wanna shake things up. I dunno, but ever since that pivotal moment in 1992 where I decided I really really (everybody together now: REALLY) didn't care what people thought of me anymore. No more trying to live up to people's expectations (like being a really recalcitrant sergeant when I was drafted for the military), no more concern about how I decide to dress or grow facial hair (and believe me...it got pretty hairy). No more me trying to be me. Just me being me.
And so even now when in my daily life I aim to be a good father, husband, friend etc. I'm me and go crazy when I want to. I don't do it often, and it's not a full-fledged 'dress up in a tutu and walk a tightrope across two skyscrapers', but it's very refreshing and highly recommended. Have a Red Bull or triple espresso's if it helps. Play Scissor Sisters and dance like an idiot, swinging until you're out of breath. Or, like I did this morning, walk the wife to work, holding her bag, walk back and just stand still anywhere along the way and look at things or people. I did that and felt great. Another time I just went nuts and chased Alex's friends around the school making everyone stare dumbfounded int he process. Or yet another time I dropped everything I was doing and went for a bike ride... to nowhere.
Saturday night Nancy and I went to a party where I talked to one of her colleagues who has the reputation of thinking outside the box. He is French, Italian, Swiss, whatever, but he's just really really unconventional. But a great refreshing conversationalist and spiritually far ahead of the rest. Through all the zany (cartooning penguins in a wiki that spoofs NGO politics) and sometimes outright ridiculous (Pastafarian religion) topics we agreed on one thing: everyone learns, lives and dies wearing (a series of) masks. We try so hard to pretend to be someone, failing to see that we are not attuned to just being ourselves. But when you start being your own crazy self, fearless, bold and without shame then you can connect to your own strengths (creativity, intelligence, ingenuity, emotions etc..) much better at any given time. Because your psyche is not carved up into standard persona's or roles you play in certain environments (work, home, drinking buddies, in public, online etc.) you are not shutting down and booting up personalities (and all the strengths and associations that come with them) all the time. Instead you are always you. You're less forgetful because you take with you everything from the previous environment. Ideas and inspiration (which are nothing but new associations) come much easier because you don't hold yourself back. Playing with your kid gives you ideas how to solve a problem at work, a night out with your wife allows you to extend the same loving courtesy holding open a door for a stranger, walking down the street and seeing how people interact gives you an excellent idea for a new social networking software or a painting or a book.
(Being yourself + Being brave) - Wearing a mask for the occasion = Tapping into the Muse.
Even now I was supposed to continue yesterday's blog, write, eat lunch at home and write some more. Instead I feel like meditating for half an hour, getting a massage, getting Nancy a belated Valentine's gift (call me European, but Valentine's Day is still foreign to me) and having lunch with her. Then again I might finish my painting that has been standing gathering dust the last few months. Or just grab any odd coffee table book in the house and read for an hour. I dunno...I'm feeling crazy....
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