Hijacked by Life and Death

Has it really been 9 days since my last post? I guess so. Where once I wouldn't be caught skipping on a day of blogging, infatuated as I was by the premise of 'Julie & Julia' now I find myself once again resorting to a more practical solution of blogging when I can. Life and Death had a hand in taking over my time this week.

First on a tragic note: a good friend of ours, a young mother of two who has been battling cancer for some time now, got really bad news that there might not be much time left. She was also leaving Bangkok so there is a good chance we might not see her again. This played very heavy on all of our minds and so we all grouped together to offer moral support and at the same time spend some quality time with her. To make matters worse her husband very likely failed to deal with the reality at hand and had found refuge with another woman, something that she had already known for some time. It was very strange to realize that our friend, even though confronted with the worst possible scenario still decided to forgive him and asked everyone to not confront her husband for the sake of her children. I have seriously not met a more noble and forgiving person. Emotions ran high this weekend and with the amount of people flying in to visit her and with preparing for her trip back home, while still making hospital visits, I simply decided to take away from sitting behind my computer and connect on a more personal level with others.

When my own mother passed away a couple of years ago, due to a wasted body that simply couldn't keep up with the after effects of chemotherapy and radiation therapy, she left me with a few wise lessons. Never the one to preach, she rather taught by example. She made me realize that life does go on and we can only find happiness by accepting the reality as it revolves around us. A down to earth Dutch mentality was something my mother always exhibited when it came down to emotional matters. We connect with them, but never lose ourselves in them, waiting patiently for the emotion to run its course , after which we pick ourselves up and move on. So with that in mind I find myself once again staring at my old dusty resume and freelance website, which I have to freshen up in order to find a job. I haven't let go of my idea to reinvent myself professionally, nor of Simon & Sally, but I realize that everything has its place and if the time isn't right, the universe and all the forces within will let me know when it is.

My unfortunate friend as well as my mother were both very driven women. I admire their drive and ambition, mainly because I have always struggled with it myself (hence the pride in this one big thing - Simon & Sally - that I am set to follow through to the end). However I realize that too much drive and too much ambition is also not good. Whether its a burnout, physically or mentally, or worse, I believe our bodies are simply not equipped to deal with such pressure. Regretfully our society is ill equipped to balance leisure with work, rest with activity and peace with busyness. The sheer Western doctrine towards work and achievement is one that thankfully takes a step back in a society like Thailand. Creativity, smooth and easy interactions and a gentle disposition reign supreme here - even if underneath there is a disconnect with their Buddhist mindfulness and compassion. So I am motivated more to listen to my own rhythm, which in turn tries to be in tune with what feels right at the moment in the universe.

This means Simon & Sally will be redrafted when it feels right and the Muses sing loudly enough again. This means I will find work when the time is right and all signs point towards it being beneficial. This means all is well in the world if I take time to meditate and rest, besides honing my IT skills, reading up on writing tips and spending time with Nancy and Alex. This means living and discovering Life is in balance with accepting the reality of Death. And not just literal Death. I also meant the Death of old ways and habits, the influence of an outside world gone mad with bottom line profits and the pressures it brings. The Death of creativity by hands of ambition and ego. We all get hijacked by matters of Life and Death. The trick I found is to accept what we cannot change, change what we can and find the wisdom to distinguish between the two. Therein lies, if not happiness itself, a moment of peace....and perhaps a blog post.