The Illusion of Control

Hiya!

As I try to steer this vehicle along the road, the Muses finally subdued, staring out of the back window at the rolling landscape, I realize I fight continually with whatever control I have. Writing is the vehicle; the Muses my inspiration to write and what to write about; the road being the path from conception of Simon's story to the actual handing it off to a future agent or publication house. The countdown calendar indicates over 200 days to go, but I am trying to get the first draft finished for editing (by Nancy) before 9th of April. This is the aim, but I have no idea if I'll be able to pen the last 7 chapters within that time frame. Like I said I have little control.

I believe in having control over things in life, I just don't think there's much of it. "Control is never achieved when sought after directly. It is the surprising outcome of letting go." said James Arthur Ray and I believe this to be true. The harder I try to make something happen, the harder it gets to actually achieve it. I remember in 2003 after a disastrous break-up I had tried to find a new girlfriend, but failed to make any substantial connection with the opposite sex. I completely gave up on love and chose to focus on my work, only then to have love stand in front of my home door in the form of Nancy. This is but one of the many examples where I learned to give up my desire to control fate only to have my desires to be heard. This has made me a firm believer in the illusion of control. The only thing that I now focus on is gaining control over my own thoughts, through meditation. Because in the end that's all that my own take on reality is: a collection of thoughts and projections created in an attempt to control said environment. 

I find the concept of finding happiness by accepting the way things are a fascinating concept. It is because of our ego and that desire to manipulate that one of the hardest things to do in life is not to do anything. Just let life wash over you and release any form of control. If acceptance is the opposite of seeking control and love is unconditional acceptance, then control means being hateful. Maybe not intentionally so, but it still is a desire to shape reality into something else from what it is right now. And that itself makes it the best dramatic concept to use for a hero/villain morality tale in a young adult novel. The hero, by example of the villain, knows that he/she does not want to be 'evil', learns to not embrace hate, but love and ultimately that love means acceptance, not control. Through that mechanism the boy/girl becomes free of the angst/helplessness of being in a big world without having any control. And as an added value bonus: the villain could actually have a more three dimensional side to him, where he doesn't realize he is 'evil' - he becomes tragic.

Men always joke about how marriage is the great game changer. 'You will never be the same again' or 'Your life is over' are the most common comments. I found this to be untrue. Nancy and I were not looking for love (and thus not seeking control) when we met in Asmara, Eritrea that one day in September of 2003 and thus it was much easier to fully accept each other and explore our love. We have since maintained that peaceful state. But having children is the great test in life. Then you do have to switch from a life of taking to a life of giving. Unconditionally. I learned to love even more and thus accept my new role as a father. It was then truly that I learned that control is an illusion, only marginally enforced and even then tempered by love. After all: a middle path in nurturing the freedom as well as the discipline within a child is an adventure in itself.

But that is real life and Simon & Sally is fiction. And the beauty of fiction is the exploration of the values of life and growth within, by means of metaphor and allegory. Injustice takes the form of larger than life villains, control is the ultimate boon, the holy grail by being triumphant over evil. Of course there is still the matter of empowerment, which is the bridge between feelings of injustice and (the realization of the illusion of) control. Empowerment is the meat and bones of the young adult novel in my experience and without it the gap between wanting to control and control remains convincingly unscalable. But that's for tomorrow.

Finally I leave you with one of my favorite sayings:

"May I be able to control what I can, and to accept what I cannot and the wisdom to discriminate between the two."