Balancing Act

Sassy Saturday Morning to you,

It's hard to find a balance in life isn't it? It think so. There is so much in life that needs to be balanced out so we don't end up running into the wall on either side of the spectrum. And I'm not just talking about the gross product of 'good' and 'evil' (like opening a door for an old lady with groceries vs. tripping up the same old lady and laughing maniacally). I'm talking about balancing duties vs. leisure, giving vs. taking, doing vs. not doing, talking vs. listening etc. I truly think this is the great modern conflict we face today, at least I have.

Let me give you a quick example. As I am typing this blog this morning it is a (not so early) Saturday morning on which Nancy goes out to do her Hot Yoga. Alex is sitting next to me on the computer playing Internet games and I've just gotten up to keep en eye on him so I haven't had breakfast yet. It seems pretty harmless right? In my brain however several scenarios are being mulled around from which I can choose:

1. I can remain as I am, typing my blog first
2. I can spend time with my son when he asks me questions about what to do within his game. 
3. I can go downstairs and eat breakfast.
4. I can go back to bed and sleep.

Now each of these scenarios holds minor, but crucial (in that they are habit forming) consequences. Let me just go with scenario 1 as this is most likely to happen now. I am likely to skip breakfast or time with my son more often if I keep prioritizing the blog. This will lead to irregular eating patterns (feeding into my strained diet habits) and/or a son who will start trying to get my attention in other (bad?) ways. On the other hand, another hour of sleeping would have the same effect, but at least I would be rested more (but I don't need that now, so I discard that option). Also, Alex might also be able to strengthen his independent problem solving skills by being left on his own for a while, so isn't that a benefit? (or am I just trying to justify my selfishness?)

The standard 'joke' of single men is to call marriage a 'ball and chain' or to state that your life is over when you marry. With the exception of 'Big Love' and truly not loving your wife (but why did you stay with her than in the first place?) I find this not to be true in the least. When I asked Nancy to marry me, I was 32. I knew what I wanted in life at that point. And we had both recognized in one another that not only did we share similar interests, but more importantly we also saw that the interests we didn't share were never going to be so important that they would conflict with our relationship. But kids? that's a different package all together.

When you get kids, love them as much as you do (and Alex does mean the world to me), your balance in life shifts 100%. It all stops being about 'taking' from life and it all becomes about 'giving'. You can choose to give to your partner all you want, but kids demand you give. They can't help it, because that is life. When you are young you take, when you are old you give. It's the ultimate cosmic balance. Only in the modern age we have never learned how to give 100%. There is so much temptation and swiftly growing new developments to hold our interest (or distract and confuse us if we are not strong enough) that as an 'adult' we sometimes refuse to grow up. We get addicted to the taking. Divorces, dysfunctional families, domestic violence or just simply having kids that act out: I believe its all rooted in an imbalance of give and take with the parents.

And if we're not taking than we are trying to work through our own confused thoughts via writing. Be it actual books, diaries, journalism or blogs, we're just trying to vent, make sense, work through our human condition. That's why writing is more often than not a self-glorifying activity. It has to be. It's therapy. It's trying to step back to see the scales of balance in our lives. I think that's why so many people become writers late in life. They've done the whole 'inside the box' routine thing. Responsible employee, parent or partner. Now they want to take a look 'outside the box' as they slowly come to face their own mortality.

I think I take it one step further by actually incorporating balance as a concept to be examined in the young adult fiction we're writing. I grab the old Eastern philosophies of Taoism and Buddhism and the Western psychological concepts of angst, self-development, ego and id and then clothe them in metaphor costumes of magic, action, adventure, mythology and fantasy. It's my way of working through the meaning of life and because everyone does so in various stages of their lives hopefully it will resonate with young and old alike.

And now that I have written today's blog, I have to go balance out my kid as he now has walked away from the computer because I wasn't paying attention to him....sigh....